she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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