Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
