I'm going to jail i love you
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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