Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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