i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
