You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
