im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
