I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
