Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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