Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
