He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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