omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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