I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
