I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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