Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You're a waste of cheezeits
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
