my mouth tastes like poor choices
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I won't apologize to a one balled man
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
