You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
