Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
