You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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