someone get that fucking seahorse.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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