apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
