Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
