Sponge bath it is.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
