saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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