I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
