i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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