Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
