i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
