Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
