as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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