If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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