Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
