I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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