Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
