We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
