omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
