Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize