I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
