Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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