probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
NoShamevember. You game?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
