I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
