my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
