I faked an abortion last night.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
