as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
