I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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