It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
