So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
