so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
