is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize