hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
