I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have post one night stand depression
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