good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This is my gift to your gina
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
