Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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