dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
