...so i touched it.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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