Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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