i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize