its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the day after is always just damage control
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
