and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
