last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize