you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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