1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
