Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
