Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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