I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Bring me that man meat
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
