Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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