You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
As shirtless as possible
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
