I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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