I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
