So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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