First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I will be naked everywhere
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
