you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
