I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize