It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
