Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize