He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
