how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
