I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
