Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
