Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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