Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
