I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
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