she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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