yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
