i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
