it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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