well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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