my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
