Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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