May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
